5 Top Tips for Military Spouses During This Holiday Season

 

Being a military spouse is hard! If you are one, you certainly know what I’m talking about. Constantly saying goodbye to the people you get close to,...constantly starting and stopping careers... constantly thinking about having to “date” new friends at your new duty station... constantly wondering how long until it’s time to move again.... But we do it because we love our service members, don’t we? We love them enough that if being with them means being apart from those we love then we’ll stick out the journey with them. Don’t get me wrong – it certainly comes with its own excitement. Wondering “what’s next” can be as much exciting as it is scary! We have the opportunity to see the world, to meet people from everywhere, to travel more than most people we grew up with ever will. It’s certainly a great opportunity. But we’ve all felt the pains of being far away from those we love at least once. But I would argue that these feelings come up pretty frequently during our walk in this life as a military spouse!

One of the hardest times to be away is the holidays! You’re pretty much guaranteed to be away from family during the holidays. Some people are fortunate enough to be stationed within driving distance or sometimes even where they’re from, but that’s more uncommon than common. Often times you’re on the other side of the country, unable to afford to fly home, unable to get enough time off of work to even go, and sometimes you might be on an entirely different continent which makes limited finances and time off an even bigger contributor to your inability to be home with the ones you love!

This is especially hard when you’re a NEW military spouse. Let me tell you, after 9 holiday seasons away, it never really gets any EASIER, per se; but you get accustomed to it. But your first few seasons can be very difficult. Some of us even find ourselves in a position where we’re away from our family AND our service member if they happen to be deployed. Talk about a double whammy!

So what can you do to make it a bit easier to get through this season? Here are my top 5 tips to getting through the holidays when you’re away from your family:

1.      Set up a video chat!

 

       What a better way to feel like you’re with your family than to see them face to face, see them moving, and see them talking. We lose a lot through voice-only calling. It’s a whole different experience when you are doing a live call. So plan around time differences, figure out what video platform you’re going to use (Skype, Facetime, Tango, Zoom….there are tons!), and connect with them. We’re blessed to live in a day and age that our predeceasing military wives didn’t, with technology options that they would have died for. Let’s take advantage of it!

2.      Connect with a group of people wherever you might be stationed.

 

       Whether this be people from your church, people from your job, please from your husband’s job, find someone to spend the day with! You can even host something for the younger service members in your husband’s work center. You know, the ones who live in the dorms. They are probably looking for something to do as well and they certainly don’t want to be alone either. At least we have the gift of our spouses in most cases to help us not feel alone. These men and women don’t have that. So cook an awesome meal (pinterest, anyone?) and throw an awesome get-together. You will leave an awesome impression on them and make their holiday brighter!

3. Venture out somewhere if you’re stationed somewhere amazing.

 

       When I was stationed in England we decided to go to the city of Bath on Thanksgiving Day. We also stopped over and saw Stonehenge on that trip. So if you’re lucky to be stationed somewhere overseas or even somewhere stateside that’s a great touristy area, take advantage of the day off of work and go check something out. Make the most of the opportunity to live somewhere different and get out and see all that you can! Was it kind of weird not having turkey that day? Yeah, it was kind of weird! But the trip was so much more fun!

 

4. Try a new recipe!

 

       Did I say Pinterest before? I’ll say Pinterest again! Try something new. Do a search for holiday recipes and have fun. Esecially if it’s just you and your spouse. There’s no outsider to judge your cooking and it lets you get creative in the kitchen. Who knows….you might even find a dish that will become a new holiday tradition!

 

5.  Speaking of traditions – make new ones!

       There’s nothing wrong with keeping traditions that you grew up with! A lot of traditions tend to be the same from family to family so chances are that you and your spouse will have some similar traditions that you’ll both want to do. Totally ok. But your lives are combined now and you will more than likely live away from family and won’t be able to see them EVERY holiday. So why not create your own fun holiday traditions that you can then pass along to your kids?! Maybe it’s cooking a certain cookie on Christmas Eve. Maybe it’s going to volunteer at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter on Christmas morning. It could be a tradition of going caroling on Christmas Eve! The possibilities are endless. But chances are if you work on developing your own traditions and memories it will be easier for you to feel apart from the ones that you grew up with!

 

There are probably many more ideas that you can come up with on how to get through the holiday season away from your loved ones. I’m not going to tell you that it ever gets easier because it really never gets easier, but it does become normal. And it can actually be super enjoyable for you by embracing it and making it your own with your own memories. Then one holiday hopefully your loved ones can come to YOUR house and experience that way that you’ve chosen to do the holidays! 

GOD BLESS ALL OF OUR MILITARY FAMILIES, OUR MILITARY WIVES & HUSBANDS, OUR DEPLOYED TROOPS IN VARIOUS LOCATIONS, AND THE FAMILIES BEHIND THEM THAT SUPPORT THEM FROM AFAR! I WISH YOU ALL HAPPY HOLIDAY AND AN AMAZING NEW YEAR NO MATTER WHERE YOU MIGHT BE!

 

 

Embracing Change....

Who likes change? Like REALLY likes change?

I'll wait.....

 I'm not talking about changing what brand dish soap you use or going from one-ply to two-ply (although that's definitely a change I recommend if you're not there yet). I'm talking about big changes. Changes that put us outside of our normal day to day routine. Changes that can challenge our character and sometimes bring out a side of us we didn't know existed.....

I think I might see one or two hands out there.

The fact is that MOST of us don't like change! We like our routine. It's comfortable. It puts us in a position to know what to expect and we like that. Going outside of our normal day to day can be scary. Especially if the change is huge! But what is it about change that makes us anxious or afraid? It's the fact that we are no longer in control! We like controlling what happens in our lives! Because for the most part we can control what happens in our lives. But what happens when the opportunity to make a change comes along and it's an opportunity for a GOOD change? Will we be more inclined to go with it, or will we still run from it in fear of the unknown?

I'll tell you, I don't like change! Big change anyway! I'm cool with changing up the Chinese restaurant that we typically frequent and I'm also cool with trying out a new shade of eye shadow. Those are FUN changes!

How bout moving clear across the world right after you get married? Or moving every few years and having to change jobs and make new friends and find a new church family? SCARY! Sometimes God has a funny way of putting us in positions to build our characters. So He brought a man into my life 10 years ago who was an active duty soldier in the U.S. Air Force. In the last 8 years I've moved from Idaho, to England, back to Idaho for a few months, and now to Florida. I've had 5 different jobs in that 8 years where before that I'd been at the same job for 6 years! I've fallen in love with new friends and I've said goodbye to more friends than I like to think about. Sure, I keep in contact with them virtually, but I can't hug them and laugh with them in person. I've learned how to drive on the left-hand side of the road and learned that the "boot" of a car is actually the "trunk". And now I've learned what true humidity is. I've become a vegetarian. I've gone from gym rat to at-home workout queen. So many changes!!!!! Some of them forced, some of them chosen.

So how do you learn to embrace change when you hate change? You do this by accepting the fact that some change makes you BETTER! Some change is a way for you to grow and to develop into the person you're meant to be. Some change will put you in a position to be a blessing to someone else that you might eventually come into contact with.

Want to start working out but you're scared to do it because you've grown accustomed to your inactive lifestyle and you're afraid of what people will think and how you will make it happen Do it anyway! This is a good change! Want to start eating healthier but don't know where to start? Instead of cowering away from the opportunity, embrace it..... start googling recipes, searching pinterest, talking to people around you who you know eat healthy.....just start doing it! Don't procrastinate the change because you'll forever find an excuse to not do it! Some changes are forced upon us and we can't do anything about that. Some changes are put in our path and we can choose them. Both kinds of changes can be exciting if we look at them in the right light. Think of change as a way to experience a new part of life that you have experienced before! Pray about it! Be patient through the process! Trust that you will get through this moment of discomfort and this CHANGE will one day just become part of your routine! I no longer think about my daily routine I had in Idaho, or in England. I think about my daily routine I have here, in Florida. This change wasn't easy and I didn't want to do it, but it was out of my control. So I embraced it, was patient with it, found things daily that excited me about the change, and now I LOVE Florida. I never want to leave.

Yes, change is scary! But if we never go through seasons of change then we'll never grow! So embrace the change that you're facing right now. Even if you haven't acted on it yet. If it's a good change and it will benefit you, I challenge you to grab it by the horns and make it yours. Own it! Pretty soon that change will become part of your day to day routine and you'll be stronger and more capable of taking on the next challenge of change that will come your way!